hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
