I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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