Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just blew my weed a kiss
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
