Your mouth is God's brothel.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just pee around me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
