Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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