Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
