Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
