my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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