Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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