:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
