you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
