Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
