I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
