She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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