I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
