Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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