I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
