i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
