i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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