i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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