matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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