I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
