there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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