I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
