i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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