I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
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it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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