the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
