do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
