I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
