My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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