She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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