NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
