Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
