When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
