i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
