just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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