just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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