i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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