just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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