its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Your topless pictures make me question reality
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
