I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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