Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
