she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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