Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
