1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
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He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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