Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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