He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
