I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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