I accidentally had phone sex last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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