I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
