how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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