You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
