"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
