I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
