I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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