K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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