I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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