do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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