On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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