He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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