i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
