I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
