This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
