bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want her autograph on my taint
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
